The Master Plan

Another month has almost come and past without much going on. Our fraternity has been going well. We have added new people, did fundraisers, meet and greets, bought flowers for sororities, had brotherhood events, etc. So its been well. I have had the usual tests and assignments. I wrote a 10 page research paper in like 5 hrs. I was proud.....maybe. I have hung out with a few old friends and cant wait for this craziness to be over. I miss my best friends terribly. The Sigma Pi guys do fill some of the void but its like im a passenger on a train. As the world continues to move along in the hustle and bustle of society, I sit there in silence waiting for my turn to speak up. It's quite weird. I now own some sigma pi merchandise. Its good times. The Greek community has a dance thing coming up as well and if i didnt miss the deadline, i have a date. Its just as friends though prolly. My love life is as always. I watch all my friends get the dates as i sit back. anytime i express my interest and decide to go for it, its too late or she isnt interested. the last girl of interest is pondering going back to her ex. i really doubt she liked me at all. i did recently find out some things that may have played a part into why i stay single. apparently, i give off some stalkerish vibe. yay me. :( I get too friendly and close too fast and scare them away. As i look back, it might be true. the more and more i learn about myself like this, the more i become introverted which means i get less opportunities to be with someone which makes the depression worse. these thoughts and feelings are truly reciprocating themselves as i sit here in my dorm as the only sign of life. its eerie quiet. i cant talk to anyone...not even online because everyone is with their family. my family is soo splintered. the only reason why i live out here is because there is no room for me at home. its bad because i sit and focus on things that dont matter in life or talk to myself. i have established that i have mental disorders i guess. either way, it reminds me of life on franklin st which is why i moved on campus in the first place. wow just wow. i am rambling and cant control myself. maybe i will go so that if there is my someone out there who reads this, she wont be scared away like all the others seem to be. cuz who wants to be with quasimodo.

That's right peoples I'm back. So much has happened to me in the last few that i dont know where to begin. First and foremost, I am doing well in classes but they are hard as shit too. I was having a good time at the Shield and things just went to crap. After lots of micromanagement and disputes over pay, I left the job of Opinion Editor for Res Life. I now am back to where I was over the summer. Ya me. :( I havent seen or talked to any of my old friends in forever. Dont get me wrong because my new friends are wonderful, but its hard to share Vern stories with people who have never experienced them. I am back in my depressive state. i really should get checked out for this crap. It stinks. I have been doing a good job as an RA. We had the most residents ever attend a housing program with 300. I have 2 people i'm interested in but i cant take it to the next level. I highly doubt that anything will ever develop. (probably because of this shitty attitude). It doesnt help that it is really hard for me to get beyond being considered anything but an RA, except when my residents want me to hook them up with my friends. My fam has been not doing well either. I worry sooo much about my gma and pray everyday that she makes it through. I know that this post has been uber negative, but a positive light is there too.

We started a brand new fraternity on campus. Thats right. I am a founding father of Sigma Pi at USI. We already have almost 25 people and have the highest GPA of all them. I am currently the Rush Chair, IFC representative, and on the Constitution Committee. So it does take up a lot of my time. if you want to know more, visit www.sigmapi.org

"I believe in Sigma Pi, a Fellowship of kindred minds, united in Brotherhood, to advance Truth and Justice, to promote Scholarship, to encourage Chivalry, to diffuse Culture, and to develop Character in theService of God and Man; and I will strive to make real the Fraternity's ideals in my own daily life."


until then.

Well, the first week has come and gone. Where has all the time gone? My first column turned a few heads and I got quite a bit of positive feedback. GO me. Classes are going to blow. They are going to involve lots of reading and paper writing. I love time spent on stuff like that. The shield is going rather well. It is going so well that I am quitting my hollywood job because there is not enough time in the day to do everything. Dammit. I spent all weekend on call. Boo. I have a renewed spirit for playing musica. Hopefully, it will stop the bleeding and allow me to further my skilz to perform with the Lincolns. Who knows? Only time will tell. Until then. Outie.

SO, check-in went fairly smoothly. I was uber impressed. My freshmen, well, they are freshmen. They hate me, they love me, who knows? The weekend was quite a bummer with incidents and fun things like that. I did manage to escape and see 40 Year Old Virgin. HILARIOUS!! I almost cried. I had my wing meeting and things went well there. I am over my former crush for real this time. I just needed some further rationalization. I am still mulling over whether I should quit my Hollywood job. It is going to be a rough semester and I need all the time I need. If things go swimmingly enough at the Shield, I might be able to read or do homework on days and I get paid more per hour. Hollywood does give me free rentals though. Eh, who knows? I just feel bad because I just got trained as a shift lead and I'm already bailing but school is way more important; i am too close to graduating now. On that note, life beckons and I bid you adu. More importantly, pick up the Shield on Thursday with my first column in it!!

out.

Today, healthwise, was much better. I actually went to training. Today was Behind Closed Doors, which went well. It's so much different being on the opposite side now. I remember just last year, I was unprepared and scared shitless. Now, many think I have been here for years because of how I carry myself. After training, Nate helped me with my bulletin boards, room checks, and door decs. Nate: YOU RAWK!! I still have probs standing for long times without being dizzy, so the help was much needed and appreciated. I sat around, went with Dennis and his friends from home to eat, made some flyers and hung them up, and went to a study session.

Bad news: Training is almost over. Hopefully, the bonds made this time won't be broken by cliques. I think as a whole we are closer.

Good News: training is almost over. No more bullshit that I have already heard before.

IN other good news, the Shield came to a decision and called me yesterday. They decided to not have auditions and offered the opinion editor position to me anyways. This is a good thing. I am willing to not work as much at Hollywood for the chance to give the Liberal shield a conservative twist. BOOYA!!!

If you feeling like a pimp n*%^^*, go on brush yo shoulders off

Well the sickness didn't leave like I had hoped. In fact, it stayed the same. So, I went to the hospital on Sunday morning and got admitted. It was a blast lemme tell ya. I was amazed to see anyone actually. I appreciate it guys. Today, I was released from my case of dehydration and vertigo from an inner ear problem. It feels great to not be restricted by the damn IV cable anymore. Anywho, I'm just going to take it easy for a bit and see where life takes me. until then.

I know I know...I'm a horrible person because I haven't posted. I've been crazy busy and all. I have a new car now. It's a 2001 Black 2 door pontiac grand am. It's really really cool. RA training has been going really well and I have made some great new friends. I love it! Yesterday was the day of the st louis Ra retreat. It went alright, but i got uber crazy sick. I hate you evil day star. I've developed another crush, but its overwith. I tried and tried to make it go forward, but i think it was a one sided issue. I think that I am going to be single. I should just accept it. Everytime I try...I fail. Why is this an issue still? Why haven't I accepted it? I haven't had anything last longer than a week since mar 2002 - july 2002. I don't think anyone will accept and understand me enough. I should become a monk. I can get right with the lord and not have to ever worry all the time. ya, monkdom is where its at. Baptist Monastery here I come!!

The last few days have been very relaxing and stressful at the same time. Friday was spent just lounging as was Saturday after work. Sunday, I took my gma shopping and watched a movie I rented. I went to work and had extra tasks to do, which made me get off work later. This is where the bad news starts.

The Extreme is less than extreme thanks to a doe. I hit a deer between Boehne Camp Rd and Schutte. It was like 1:30 AM and I smoked it. I couldnt get over because of a car right next to me. I had no other choice. I slammed on my brakes and it was to no avail. Another car grinded along my right side in order to avoid hitting me directly. The deer was still alive too. My truck is pretty much a goner. I find out later today how bad it is. It sux pretty hardcore. I'm just glad it wasnt worse. The scary part is that the airbag did not deploy, and the irony is that i punctured my radiator after getting it back on friday. lol. I've already missed work yesterday to recoup and get the ball rolling with my insurance issues. I do have a rental car, which makes me feel uber professional.

I am just not looking forward to having less money with either a new vehicle or damages. Plus, I may not be able to go to Ethan's now. Dammit.

on that note...out.

My shift leader experiences have gone well. I'm not power crazy, but it feels good to be able to make the final decisions on some things, such as dumbass people and their demands for voided late fees and credits. I gave in only once, but that was because their was a note on the guy's account from 2002 stating the same thing he told me, so i voided his 3.78 and we went on our merry way. Some lady and I got into a hardcore argument. It was sweet. She argued that I should reward her for returning a movie early. WTF. She said that because it was on the shelf, by itself mind you, the movie was an early return and she deserves credit. I explained it all out for her, but she refused to listen. So at this point, I'm uber pissed. I do a visual demonstration and explain how as a business, we could not afford to pay people like that just because someone displaces 1 friggin movie. I went on to show her where it goes and refused to grant her wishes. Another lady came in the day a game was due, slammed it down, and said she wants credit for it because it didn't work. I asked her when the game was having issues, and she said from day one. I questioned her as to why she didnt let us know then. I told her that she would have to let us know from now on and i secretly noted to not give her credit. Finally, first customer of the day shows up with out her card or a license. I asked how she got here and I was informed that she drove here. I blew up at her and said that it was illegal. Thats where her argument got amazing. Her argument was "I just live down the road." again WTF! She also thought that i should know her and that apparently i was "new" because of it.

If i continue to get dumbasses like this everyday, I prolly won't be working anymore.

I've done a lot of nothing. I hung out at the store talking to Dustin the other night and passed out when i got home. Yesterday, I hung out with Phil. We watched some One Hour Photo, played Dr. Mario, and played some bball. I am the master of all that is H-O-R-S-E.

Dumbass move of the week- running to turn off the alarm, smoked my toe with the door and about ripped it off

Realization of the week- It's actually two-fold. 1) i should not have a boss who expects us to receive new product into the store if he can't spell "receive." 2) I HATE PEOPLE

now that it is out of the way, I am free tonite and work sat-mon. Good point is that I am off by 5 or 6 on sat and I dont work most of next week so I can pack. Cuz I move in on Friday.

until then. I'm goin to make like a baby and head out.

The final stretch is on. Friday was my last time working with Dustin...prolly ever. It was a sad day, but we went out in style with the non-stop Rocky marathon. Saturday, I saw The Island with ben, joe, and dustin. Then, we played a little tennis. I really dont know why we dont go at night, but eh its life. I got some groceries and went back out to Nathan and Phil's to introduce them to Dane Cook, who has a new CD on the way this Tuesday :0. Sunday was spent lounging and watching movies. Today has been the usual work day. I'm kinda scared about tonite because it is my first time closing the store without a manager there. Boo. Help me if you can. Let this chapter of my life begin.

I move on campus on August 5th....HOORAY!!

The other sad part is Amanda is leaving. She has developed into a good friend out here and it will be a non-happy moment. Plus, I have to work and will miss her going away partay.

Finally, the day of recording is nye. More on that to come.

Wow...man how life is funny. I spent Tuesday night playing tennis and sand volleyball to the point of collapse. I was sooo nasty. Anywho, wednesday was spent working and napping a lot. I've been working a lot of desk shifts at Res Life. It's weird how much they have warmed up to me now. Besides that, yesterday was spent hangin out at USI and going to Jana's 21st bday. It was alright. On another note, I wore my Offset Lincolns shirt to work today and have been asked like a billion questions about it. It's like a shameless commercial without the band. Damn. Hopefully, we will be recording fairly soon. only time will tell.

until we meet again or you hear the LiNcOlNs on the radio....lol

Life is actually goin alright for once. This weekend I spent lots of time relaxing, watching movies, and NOT WORKING!!! I played a little tennis and bball as well. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was kinda creepy in a way....Depp kicked some butt though. Wedding Crashers was pretty sweet. Saturday was spent partying it up for a bit with Joe and my homies. It was cool to actually hang out with a few people outside of the USI scene for once. OH, other news is that I am well on my way to becoming shift leader at Hollywood. I really dont know how much I like the idea, but it is a pay increase. I'm sad that I will no longer be working with Dustin and Ben though. I ended up with an A in Geography. I'm fairly stoked like a coffee house. Since last time, I hung out with Jeremy even. It was great times. I developed a new member to my top 5 actresses. Finally, I have plans to rawk out with Ethan in a few weeks. I need to start writing and practicing. If things go well, we will have some songs done and possibly published. Maybe get that coveted record deal and won't have to worry about stuff. The Offset Lincolns are on their way!!

Well, since my last post things are about the same. One major upside though is that Jeremy did finally get in contact with me and we are going to hang out some tonite. good times. Tuesday work sucked hard because there was too much to be done with the few numbers of people there. Plus, once again, I got threatened to be written up for doing my job. What a noble concept!! I'm still feeling like poo. It just seems to go away for like a day and comes right back. Yesterday, i spent most of my time studying for a geog test that i am unsure about as we speak. It was rough. I also played some Dr Mario. im disliking work more and more and wonder why. there is nothing to do but organize the basement of res life. screw that. i hate being here especially since my reg boss is gone. there is nothing for me to do except sit here and feel scrutinized. I dont want to start that final task because i will just drag it all out and have to put it right back, hence why i have been delaying. It just feels wrong for me to be sitting here and not doing something. screw that. anyways, im going to just mind my time and know that its almost over soon.

lata home skillet.

Well, once again...im bored outta my mind. It's funny that everytime I decide to post is when there is nothing else to do. Anyways, my 4th weekend was not fun. I hung out with joe on Friday, worked on sat, worked sun and hung out with joe and ben that night, and the 4th was spent with my fam for the first part and back to work at night. I missed the fireworks and it was just boring. I'm still searching for positive moments in my life beyond the couple friends that i see regularly and fam. It might be that I dont have time for anything. I still am sick from last week and I dont see it leaving anytime soon because my body is sooo run down and ragged that i cant ever recover. An upside to the summer is that I will be finished with my class soon. Oh ya, I did manage to catch up with most everyone over the weekend. Although, I am disheartened that jeremy came to the region to visit and didnt even lemme know until last night. How lame. I learned he was coming down via others instead of him. He actually talks more to my bro than me! What is up wit dat?! Anywho, im going to make like a baby and head out.

You know, I'm tired of apologizing for not updating because I'm not sorry. There, you have it. I'm busy. Anyways, I'm at work at Res Life right now....bored. Last weekend I worked a lot and hung out with Joe on Sunday. We saw Batman again on IMAX. Eville IMAX sux!! The movie was excellente as usual. Monday was the usual. Tues and Wednesday: skipped USI work because not feeling well and needed to finish my geog paper. I worked hollywood some more this week. I was sick yesterday. Nothing like a good yack to start your day :( I look like a friggin tomato. I busted blood vessels in my face so people think I'm sunburnt. That's funny considering I never see the sun. Hollywood just hired a new girl. I still dont know what to think about her but at least I might have my hours reduced some so i can have a life. I'm upset because I have to work so much that I cant go visit Ethan. I also dont have the money to go anywhere either. Damn. Instead of enjoying my independence day, I will be spending it under the tyrannical yoke of video rentals. OH, speaking of my disgruntled nature towards Hollywood, we no longer have employee of the week. I am it, but it doesnt matter. Corporate decided that rewards of a PV movie to the winner is uncalled for. Since there is no motivation, our numbers will suck hard from now on. Plus, we no longer receive a free snack bundle for pushing the quota number of bundles on other customers. No reward=no motivation. since i'm unmotivated, i'm done with this post. i'm all over it like mike jackson at a cub scout meeting.

Well, here I am. Sitting in the office, playing telephone operator/secretary, and wanting to kill. I really dont know how people do things like this. It's more mind numbing than anything ever before. Maybe Marx and his alienation theory isnt too far off, eh? Anywho, not a lot has happened since my last post. I went to Joe's on Friday and that turned into bad news thanks to my allergies. I've worked a lot and celebrated the bro's bday. I was named employee of the week again. Work at USI has been slowing down tremendously. I'm fearful of losing this job. I worked the front desk yesterday, answered the phone in the office today, and tomorrow i work the front desk again for a spell. hooray. Yesterday, I went and played some pool with Phil. It was quite cool and I got to see someone I havent seen in a while. Let's just see if i get a call or not. On another note, my geog class is rough. The test today was good and bad. The questions about the slides were about as much fun as a root canal. Just a little bit longer.....sigh.

Well its Friday, I have 2 jobs, and too much to do. The history class is over now and I got an A. Booya! I've had drama in my life revolving one of my jobs but I cant go into that. I actually kinda like working at Hollywood. It's weird, but still. I am currently working Res Life for my boss. My new class is horrible. It is supposed to be Geography, but its definitely an Earth Space Science course. Just wow. I want to gouge my eyes out with a spork. I really think that hell will be an eternity of your own personal torment. Therefore, remedial science class for eternity will prolly be appropriate. Nothing much is really going on elsewhere. I got 60+ hrs next week while taking a class. Hooray me! I just saw Batman Begins on Wednesday. PHENOMENAL!! It is by far the best Batman ever and Christian Bale is head and shoulders above every other Bruce Wayne/Batman. Sorry Tim Burton and Michael Keaton, this movie owns you. Don't just take my word for it, go watch it yourself. On that note, I got nothin else....

Many apologies are owed to my readers. I have been terribly busy, so busy that I dont sleep much. The last few weeks have been spent working 40-50 hours per week, going to class, doing research, and attempting some time to take my gma where she needs to go. Life is hella crazy. Anyways, our paper is near its finish as is this wretched course. Hallelujah. Last weekend was pretty decent. I partied at Natalie's and had a great time. It was well worth it. I've also been doing some serious bonding with my Brizanch homies. I've said more 'your mom' jokes than ever before. So, I guess life isnt too bad. My jobs are in the air conditioning unlike last year. I'm crazy busy but I dont have to have a real crazy sleep pattern like last year. I do live with the gma, but at least I dont pay rent. I also work with a good friend. Hopefully, with a new class just around the corner, life wont be sooo crazy. Speaking of crazy, I need to call someone and keep in better contact with them. Who knows, either that or someone nearby. I cant wait for that to happen. No, I'm not down, but I just started pondering that chapter in my life since one of my co-workers, who is younger and only been dating the girl less than 4 months just got engaged. Before you say it, its not because she is pregnant either. Anywho, I know they are crazy but with my graduation coming fairly soon , I am looking to the next chapter of my life and staring into a dark pit. The light at the tunnel needs to turn on its brights because here i come.

# posted by Jason : 6/07/2005 12:21:00 PM

After a rather boring usual day, I hung out with Dennis and Nathan and others after class. We went and saw Star War III. I still have mixed feelings about it. I felt that it was too spelled out. A lot of the mystery from the original/last 3 movies is now lost. Also, the transformation was almost instantaneous. Why? They should have not worried about time restraints and got more involved in the dialogue. Lastly, at least of those i want to mention, why was the yoda fight scene so short? Mace Windu had sidious almost to the point of death, but Yoda, the most powerful, couldnt do crap? Come on George. This needed to be expanded and better sequenced. That being said, the movie still was better than the prev two and possibly better than New Hope.

Friday was different. I really enjoy my billing job. By enjoy, I mean I hate how disgusting people are. On one room alone, we used over 40 pics. Wow...just wow. Anyways, I spent the evening with my sick gma. She seems to be getting worse and the worst part about it is I cant do anything to help.
Saturday:
I went with my buddy Dennis to New Harmony to do research. I was reminded about how much I dislike that town. After over 6 hrs of fun, we decided to call it quits. I came back home, relaxed, went to the ville, and then to work from 10pm to after 4 am. Inventory rawks.
Sunday:
After waking in the mid afternoon and having my breakfast of poptarts, I decided to watch some of the bball game on tv. Then, i made a mad dash to the library, printed some stuff off, read a book, and wrote the review for it all last night.

Again, these points go on to show how insanely boring/busy my life is.

My final thought on this post deals with women. Why am I so desperate? If a girl talks to me, I became instantly interested. It doesnt make sense. Also, as soon as I find out some girls are single, then I am attracted. WTF! I really think its because I'm lonely and havent had a long term relationship since like 3 years ago. I have only had week long flings since then. I really wished they made dating analysts who could observe what happens when you talk to those of the opposite sex, could explain the vibes you send out, and treat your problems. Basically, there really needs to be a Love Doctor. If there was such a person, they would be rich and our marriage problems would not exist. anyways, its go time.

Lemme see...where does the time go? Since my last post, I hung out some and drank with a few buddies, some of which I will never see again. It was strange, but like usual, I hid emotions. I AM very emotional, but for some reason I hide it most of the time. I have been working my damage billing job, which entails me taking photos and documenting some of the most disgusting crap on the face of the earth. I have managed to work my first shift at Hollywood now. I am still unsure if I like it or not, but definitely leaning towards the not. I hate having my life controlled like this. Its summer already. I feel like nothing I do is getting what it deserves. I am becoming more and more apathetic and uncaring. I have to do a research paper on New Harmony, which to many seems cool but since I grew up near there, its kinda lame. Cynicism is taking hold and its a struggle to crawl out of bed. I should be hangin with friends, writing music, practicing, living a carefree life. Instead, I am a horrible friend who never returns calls and a horrible grandson who is living with his grandmother and only stops in to eat and change because of being so busy. I am crying out for someone to hear, but no one is listening. Its strange but I am in a conundrum. I know that I miss my friends, but I know that if they were here I wouldnt see them anyways.

On a positive note, I went to Green Day on Friday. It was AMAZING. I was like 30 ft away at one point. Ben even got to say something to them as he entered a bathroom at one point. More to come on this later cuz class beckons.